“I’m Married With Kids – And In Love With A Prostitute”

I'm in my early 40s and have a great wife
and two great young kids, all of whom I
love dearly.
I've been with my wife for over 20 years.
Everyone tells me how lucky I am to have the
perfect marriage. But, of course, I don't feel so
lucky. Instead I feel burdened, trapped by the
overwhelming obligations of family and of
keeping up appearances. The way I've tried to
deal with these feelings is by seeing prostitutes.
About eight months ago, I met and paid for the
woman of my dreams. She's beautiful, a s*xual
dynamo, smart, funny and sweet. She's not a
typical prostitute; she's more like the girl next
door who wants to get paid for her great looks
and abundant s*xual talents.
I soon went from being her client to being her
friend and confidant. Her presence in my life
does two things for me. First I get to feel those
incredibly strong emotions that I haven't felt in
years about my wife (lust and longing), and
more important, I feel so free during the few
hours a month I get to see her. Not only do we
explore s*xual fantasies that would be
completely out of bounds with my wife, but
more important, I can completely relax around
her and joke around and talk frankly, and not
have to worry about things like who's picking up
whom from school.
Of course, I know that this whole thing is
incredibly stupid and immature, but I can't
figure out how to unring the bell and go back to
a life without this woman. Do you think it will be
possible to not see her and forget about the
pleasure, love and passion that we had? I've tried
for a few weeks at a time, but I've always felt the
need to see her again — the urge for release,
both literally and metaphorically, was too strong.
I have a hard time imagining life without her,
but at the same time, she could never be a part
of my "real" life — I have too much invested in
my marriage and family to break it up.
So the question boils down to this: How do I give
up s*xual (and emotional) nirvana for the sake
of my family?